Sandy Ralya is the founder and director of Beautiful Womanhood, a marriage mentoring ministry based near Grand Rapids, Mich. Her marriage testimony was the focus of a popular three-day interview on FamilyLife Today, TV's Walking by Faith, and Time Out for Women. Sandy is a sought-after speaker, presenting Beautiful Womanhood seminars to hundreds of women each year at MOPS groups, women's retreats, and church leadership conferences across the country and in Canada.Sandy and her husband Tom have been married since 1980, and have a growing number of grandchildren. www.beautifulwomanhood.com
Trust Leads to Romance
What stirs the embers of romance deep inside you?
A Night Out?
Maybe you haven’t thought about romance lately because of busyness, fatigue, disillusionment, or hopelessness.
I’ve been there too.
But romance with the man you love may not be as elusive as you might think.
Though we all desire romance—every woman longs to be
noticed, pursued, and adored—few of us realize that…
our words and actions may serve as stumbling blocks rather than
invitations for the man in our life to woo us romantically.
If this is true, then we’re sabotaging the very romance we desire. Reminds me of the saying,
“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”
Do you like what you’re experiencing in regard to romance?
If not, ask yourself if you’re more likely to trust OR control your husband.
You’ve seen the controlling type.
Most women on TV sitcoms struggle with control. They walk all over the men they’re with and it bothers us.
It’s easy to detect control in others, but are you guilty of similar actions?
Let’s look deeper and find out.
1. Do you correct your husband?
2. Do you instruct your husband?
3. Do you improve your husband?
Do you correct your husband’s pronunciation or perhaps the telling of a story when you know he’s got the facts mixed up?
When you correct your husband you’re telling him he did something wrong.
In this position you’ve become his mother. And that’s a romance killer if there ever was.
Do you instruct your husband when he drives, performs tasks, or helps out with the kids?
When you instruct your husband, you’re sending the message, “You don’t know how to do this.”
In this position you become the teacher who highlighted his ineptitude. Exposed, he’ll either shrink or strike back, rather than pursue.
Do you improve your husband?
In the past, I’ve tried to improve Tom’s appearance whenever possible. Once, when dressing for dinner at an elegant restaurant on vacation, I wore a vintage cashmere jacket with pearls and heels while Tom wore an improbable, wrinkled ensemble worthy of an episode of What Not to Wear. Yet, I didn’t say a word! (Some of you may be appreciating the restraint that required!)
If I’d shared my fashion-improvement advice with him, I would have sent the romance-spoiling message, “You could have done better.”
In what areas do you try to improve your husband?
When we correct, instruct, and improve, we justify our actions by saying we’re just trying to help when, in reality, the measures we employ have more to do with fear—the fear that we won’t get what we want or we’ll get it too late.
Whenever our actions are borne of fear, the results we experience will be disappointing
Give your fears to God and trust your husband with new words and actions…
Inviting him to romance.